lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
