She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
