at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
