so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
