she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
