is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize