Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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