No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
