I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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