I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
