i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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