Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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