suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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