3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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