Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
