he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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