it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
