I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
