I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
