last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
