it was like eating out sand paper
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
