hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
