And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
