Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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