she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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