yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
