today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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