I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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