i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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