when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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