why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
