i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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