Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
