Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
