This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
