pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
