Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
