I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
