Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
