If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
