It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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