you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
