Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's get the cat blown out
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
