I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
