They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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