In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
so much tequila, so little girl.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
