is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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