but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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