four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
