he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
