We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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