You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
