the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
