Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
