you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
