put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
