I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
