What a fucking waste of an outfit
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
