Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
