dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
