In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
