So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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