You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
