420 ftw
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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