I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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